Johnny TwoHats in Hillbilly Days
by the ultimate sheep farmer
Summary: A crazy hillbilly meets up with Little Britain and The League of Gentlemen characters whil on a bizarre boat trip. Expect madness...


**(A/N : This is a TV crossover of The Mighty Boosh, Little Britain and The League of Gentlemen. Thankyou.)**

**Johnny Two-Hats: Hillbilly Days**

Chapter 1:

At the beginning of the End

The ship was wrecked. The captain had hung a sign on it that read **_HERE LIES A BOAT. NOTHIN' ELSE TO IT. NOW GET OFFA' MY LAND AND DON'T COME BACK TILL YOU GOT MILK - LOTS A' MILK._**

Everyone cried at the burial- Papa Shut-your-mouth-up said a short speech about how good the boat had been and how good it's indoor cocktail bar had been too. Mr. Dirtywater had volunteered to pile the dirt on top of the ship and he did so, stopping every so often to cry or re-adjust his briefs - they kept riding up.

Wait a darn second or twelve! I've only gone and forgottened -ed -ed to write the WHOLE story - this is just the end! Ha! That'll be old age for ye. Always beating' on me. Anywho let me start from the end - damn it! - I mean the START. Okay I'll begin with a song - actually I gots' a sore throat so I won't bother. Well tuck in!

It all started after a band called C- somerthin', I can't for the love of me remember, - Orange split up. They split up 'cause the lead singer, Johnny Two Hats, got drunk and beat up the Queen. So Johnny was kicked out both the band and the country, that bein' England, fools. Yep, they shipped him to LA along with a rare pink-headed lion called Tofu and a bag full of cowboy outfits. Johnny and Tofu made friends, both enemies to the bag full of cowboy outfits- they called him PAUL. PAUL was evil to them. He never spoke to them, never sang to 'em and never even coughed at them. To me he sounds pure evil. To them he was just plain evil. Anywho, once the ship hit LA (Literally. It crashed into the Hollywood sign leaving it saying llywood, a name that the public found

magnificent.) Johnny and Tofu were split up from PAUL and they both decided to become Hillbillies. Now they weren't natural Hillbillies, nope, no-way, but Retro-funked Hillbillies - the MOD's of the Hillbilly world. They dealt in blue cabbage - a highly addictive speciality from Tokyo in New Ireland (NOTE: New Ireland doesn't geographically exist, but it exists in the hearts of all true Inuits) and they dealt in it for 16 years until they stopped for 'NO-APPARENT-REASON'. Instead they decided to become Pimp's for sheep. They did this for a couple of years, there fame escalating till they were bigger than Mad-Donna. But all that fame got to 'em both. For Johnny it made him Crazy-crazy, not Loco-crazy or Stupid-crazy but Crazy-crazy. And for Tofu it brought death - not really! No, Tofu 'TURNED FAT'. Johnny and Tofu decided to part, each cutting off a finger and swapping it with anther's then super-gluing the new finger in the old ones place. Tofu moved to China and Johnny decided he wanted to go to Ru-Sha (not Russia, nope, a small country near Indonesia called Ru-Sha) - it was this decision that would change his life forever. But he didn't know that. Nope.

Chapter Deux:

Catchin' the boat TO Ru-Sha.

The boat to Ru-Sha was due to leave at 1.30am, but it was 17 hours late so by the time it reached the dock Johnny was in a deep sleep, sat next to a bench with a statue on the side. Johnny had earlier called this statue Mr. Maria. Now Mr. Maria came to life (don't ask me how, just go with it fool) and woke Johnny just in the Phil of time. Mr. Maria and Johnny agreed to be friends, each signing a contract proclaiming it for all to see. Now they both boarded the ship unaware they were being watched...

The person watching them called himself The Shadow Man and he , apart from a blue and green top hat, wore all black. His face was bright white, no not dull white, but BRIGHT white (there's a major difference).TSM (the shadow mans nickname- we'll use this a lot) was damned with a curse a curse that changed him each night, transformed him into..., wait for it...just a minute longer...STOP RUSHING ME...AAARGGH! HE TURNED INTO A CRAZY WINGED-GOBLIN CALLED MR.POP, OKAY? HAPPY NOW?

Okay, to continue, Mr.Pop stole adventurous souls and so Johnny Two-Hats appealed him very much.

Anywho, to get back to Johnny and Mr.Maria (we'll come back to TSM and Mr.Pop later) they had settled in well. The first thing they did was get completely faced (drunk, fools, drunk) and accidentally get married. Seeing they couldn't get divorced till they reached Ru-Sha they went along with it - they refused to sleep together though (thank God in heaven - nobody wants that to happen).


End file.
